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« Back to Opinion & Analysis
The Ant, the Grasshopper and the 2008 Election
Editorial for the Houston Community Newspaper
Steven F. Hotze, M.D.
October 16, 2008
Original Version
The ant works diligently all summer in the withering heat to build his house, store supplies and make provisions for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs, dances and fiddles the summer away with other grasshoppers.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Take personal responsibility!
Modern Version
The ant works diligently all summer in the withering heat to build his house, store supplies and make provisions for the winter.
The grasshopper views the ant as a workaholic fool and laughs, dances and fiddles the summer away with other grasshoppers.
When winter arrives, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while grasshoppers are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food and an apple pie. Many Americans and elected officials are outraged by the sharp contrast in the standard of living between the ant and the grasshopper.
They wonder, "How can such disparity exist in a wealthy country like America? Why should the poor grasshopper and others like him be allowed to suffer?"
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
The Reverend Al Sharpton stages a demonstration with members of ACORN in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We Are Family." Sharpton then condemns the ant for his greed and calls out for justice for the poor grasshoppers of the world.
Not to be outdone, Congressman Barney Frank proposes legislation enabling the government to provide financing for houses for all grasshoppers. "We need to spread the wealth around," exclaims Frank.
With the media headlining the story, Al Gore holds a news conference to condemn the ant for having too large of a carbon footprint. "Unless we stop the ants of the world the North Pole will melt, polar bears will become extinct and New York City will be under water within 10 years." Gore is awarded another Nobel Prize for continuing his fight to lower the earth's temperature by putting an end to ants.
Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi (D-San Francisco) , and Senate Majority Leader, Senator Harry Reid (D- Nevada) exclaim in an interview on "Larry King Live" that the ant has gotten rich at the expense of grasshoppers. They call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Obama declares, "I am tired of the ants getting all the pieces of the pie. It's just not fair. It's time for the grasshoppers to get some of the pie. I'm going to cut the pie so that everyone gets their fair share."
A news reporter asks Obama, "Who is going to make the pies if the ants decide not to make them anymore?" Obama responds, "When I am elected, I will create a new agency, the Federal Agency for the Advancement of Grasshopper Pie Making Training and Implementation (FAAGPMTI). The government will train the grasshoppers how to make pies."
In a special session, the U.S. Congress votes to force the ant to pay a windfall profits tax for being so productive. The ant contends that he earned his money through his goal setting, planning and determined efforts. He is told by the IRS agent who collects the tax that, "This is what is great about America. You have the freedom to make a good living and the government gives you the opportunity to help your fellow citizen. You should be grateful."
The Equal Employment and Occupation Commission (EEOC) issues a regulation entitled the Economic Fairness for Grasshoppers Hiring Regulation which is retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a fixed percentage of grasshoppers. The ant challenges the EEOC in a government administrative court, where the judge works for the EEOC.
The ant argues that you cannot be compelled to hire a grasshopper if he is lazy and does not want to work. The government responds that whether or not the grasshopper works hard is irrelevant. The administrative judge upholds the fine.
In an interview about the case with a newspaper reporter, the ant states, "It's not fair that someone like the grasshopper, who is an improvident sluggard, can sue me for not giving him a job that he does not even want."
The grasshopper files a defamation lawsuit for slander against the ant for calling him an improvident sluggard. The grasshopper hires Hillary Clinton's law firm to represent him. The case is tried before a federal judge whom Bill Clinton appointed and before a jury consisting of single-parent welfare recipients and ACORN community organizers.
The ant loses the case and the grasshopper is awarded monetary damages greater than the ant's net worth. The ant settles the case by giving his house to the grasshopper.
At the end of this ordeal the ant is heard mumbling to himself, "I am grateful. I am grateful."
As the story draws to a close the grasshopper eats the last bits of the ant's food while the house in which he lives, formerly the ant's house, is in a state of disrepair because the grasshopper has not maintained it.
Finally the grasshopper dies in a drug related incident and the house is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: If you are an ant, you had better support McCain!
About Conservative Republicans of Texas
Steven F. Hotze, M.D. is president of Conservative Republicans of Texas and founder of Hotze Health & Wellness Center in Houston, Texas.
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